Smile

Things that make me smile:

My daughter
Friends when they don’t let me down
My wife when she’s in a good mood
Coca-Cola
Myself, when I pick up the phone for someone else and say the person’s name instead of my own name
The upcoming concert of Leonard Cohen in Antwerp
The upcoming Harry Potter movie

I could also write a post about the things that make me cry, but that would be too long and I don’t want to send negative vibes around me now that I need the positive ones very badly…

I’ll just mention one thing that makes me cry: this Friday, my last day at the office, it kills me to go…

Mad

I’m mad and lots of people know it, and this is the last time I’ll mention it, because writing it down just allows me to archive the feeling…

I’m mad because I got fired… But I’m even madder at those managers who pretend nothing happened but who avoid me all the same, as afraid of being confronted to their own stupidity…

I’m mad because people who were so called friends didn’t call me when they should have… I expected more of them…

I’m mad because my body is exausted and is letting me down… But I’m even madder because I haven’t listened enough to my own warning system…

I’m mad because my little one needs an operation, a mild one and current one, but still she shouldn’t need it…

I’m mad, but I won’t let this feeling take me down because I’m stronger than this feeling…

And when I’m not I know who I can call or write…

Insecurity

There is one security: there’s always insecurity…

You can’t be sure you’ll keep your job
You can’t be sure you’ll keep your love
You can’t be sure you’ll keep your health

I knew all of this and still lived as if everything was in security…

Then I lost my job
Then I shared my loved one
Then my health succumbed to the pressure

But I also know nothing is permanent, so

I’ll find a job
I’ll find my loved one
I’ll be healthy again

The path to this all seems to be very very long and feels very insecure. I can’t keep my smile every day, but I can try…  And I’ll succeed somehow…

I’m a fighter…