Last month I spent ten wonderful days with my mother in Spain. For the first time in ages I managed to let go, to relax, to sleep properly and to enjoy life how it should be enjoyed.
One day before returning I started feeling nervous about going back to the real, hard world. I knew where my wife had spent those ten days. I knew they had been great for her and I knew my return would be a decisive moment. We both hoped there would be a sprankle but there wasn’t. There was only insecurity, deception, lack of trust… And there was love too, but insufficient…
We talked, again and again and again… At some point I made up my mind to stop this charade. I turned my heart into stone and decided to do what is best. Even if she would leave him, she would never have him fully out of the picture and that’s what we need if we want to continue this marriage.
So, the big word came out and that’s what is going to happen. Right now we just continue out of practical reasons. We just can’t afford to live seperately, but as soon as our house is sold, and I pray to everything and everyone it goes fast, we will file the divorce papers.
I will always wonder whether I did the right thing. Whether I should have tried trusting her, but I just can’t anymore. I love her but it’s not enough anymore. She might leave him but every single time she would meet him as friends, and that would probably happen often, I wouldn’t be able to trust them. And without trust you can’t have a marriage, right? Right?
