Abduction?

I received a friend’s message today: “We’re going to entertain you this weekend. We won’t take a no for an answer, pack your bags!”. I just stared at it and if I had been a cartoon there would be a big question mark on top of my head and my face would have had all colors of the rainbow and an expression of amused, tendered surprise… I don’t know who “we” are, but I have a pretty good idea…

I’m having a drink with another friend tonight… It will do me some good. This is the “terrible pms-week” and it’s good to be out in order to avoid difficult discussions which will end in a fight because we can’t be reasonable when pms has come…

Entertainment… the ones who plan to abduct me will need a damn good plan to divert my attention from my cheating wife, who’ll be spending the day with him while I’m having “fun”… I know, wrong attitude, but as I said… PMS. When one has an excuse better use it, even if it’s lousy…

Our dear captain Shakespeare

We planned to watch this movie yesterday, as a feel good moment. It had been a long time since I’ve laughed this much. I loved the movie, but this is the best scene in it.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQKrgi2PMz8&feature=related]

Enjoy!

Losing, lose, lost?

We are giving each other a real chance. We plan nice things to do, we plan things seperately and together, we communicate as good as we can… We’re learning… Sometimes it’s hard, because society tells us that when you’re in love it shouldn’t be this difficult to communicate. Anyway, at least we are trying…

And still, sometimes I feel I’m fighting a lost cause…

I read something about polyamoury… Maybe this is something for us, although I don’t think I could bear it… I might lose it… My sanity I mean… And I can’t find anything about the influence on kids in the relationship… Kids need stability… Is this?

Anyway, we are trying… Our therapist told me that she feels she’s not really helping in saving our marriage, but rather helping us to say goodbye… I don’t want to say goodbye, but I might lose it… my marriage… Lost anyway?

What is friendship?

My wife insists on seeing this guy. He’s her first love, they broke up because their parents didn’t want them to be together and because his father tried to abuse her… Years later they see each other again and find out they still love each other and she decides to put an end to our marriage. I fought back and in the end she decided to stay, to give us one more chance.

But she insists in seeing him. I expressed my wish for them to see each other only once a week… I actually think I’m being rather broadminded about this! How many people would allow a third party in their marriage?

They saw each other on Wednesday and tonight as I’ll be out for work, she told me they would be seeing each other again. Am I being unreasonable when I say this is not how we agreed? On the one hand I think I’m being stupid because I won’t be in anyway, on the other hand I hate it when she doesn’t respect our agreements just because they go against her freedom…

They say they’re just friends… but when does friendship become a love affair?

I don’t know, I’m puzzled and confused… I only know I don’t want to lose her, even if it means bearing this “friendship”…

Life continues (2)

Things went differently than expected… What am I doing?! We are giving ourselves more time to evaluate our marriage, to give it a real chance… but my wife’s only wish is to spend time with him… We agreed they would meet once a week as friends. Can I trust them? Should I trust them? My wife cries for freedom because she never got it. Any sign that she might be bound makes her run away. What to do? I gave up my freedom to have a child with her… a child who I love more than anything, but who would have come later if my wife would have been more patient… And now she runs from the resposability…

We are trying, really trying… I wish she would show some gratitude… But she thinks staying is already a sign of gratitude…

Anyway, Barak Obama spoke the following words in Ohio (I think), and I find them very applicable to our situation:

“Years from now, you’ll look back and you’ll say that this was the moment, this was the place where America remembered what it means to hope. For many months, we’ve been teased, even derided for talking about hope. But we always knew that hope is not blind optimism. It’s not ignoring the enormity of the tasks ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path.

It’s not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it and to fight for it.”

I just hope, years from now, it will be my wife and me who will be looking back, smiling…

Without you

There we go, corny and everything, but this is how I feel. Right now I just can’t listen to this song… I start crying… I basically don’t dare to switch on the radio because every song relates to what I feel or what I miss… What a mess! We’ve got this great CD with music we played on our wedding… Just thinking of it makes me cry…

No I cant forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess thats just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
No I cant forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I let you go
And now its only fair
That I should let you know
What you should know

I cant live
If living is without you
I cant live
I cant give anymore
I cant live
If living is without you
I cant give
I cant give anymore

Well I cant forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess thats just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

I cant live
If living is without you
I cant live
I cant give any more
I cant live
If living is without you
I cant give
I cant give anymore

Life is rough

“Life is great, mine isn’t, but generally speaking life is great. And I’m grateful life gave me a new year to continue making the best of mine.”

That’s what I put in my last post… and right now I wish life would be kinder to me. Or I haven’t used all the opportunities it gave me? Right now I think life’s a bitch, life sucks… Why this turn around? All my dreams shattered last weekend. My wife is cheating on me… We’ve been having difficulties for a long time but I always thought that our love would overcome anything… I always thought that if we both made efforts, we would manage… We’re both guilty, we both made mistakes. I’m not an angel… I’ve been invading her privacy by reading her personal mail and SMS’s… So it’s clear there is a lack of trust or even respect…

Yesterday the big word came out: “Divorce”…. A nightmare to me… We still love each other but it doesn’t seem to work… We have a 2-year-old child together… I can’t imagine what she’ll go through… I can’t imagine someone else than me and my wife raising her…

We are still discussing, we still might find a way out, but I doubt it. My whole body, my heart and my brains seem to be falling apart. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Sometimes I wish I could disappear or even better turn back time to those moments when I took a wrong decision or said or did the wrong thing… I wish… I wish everything to go back to normal…

If this is life, right now, I’d rather check out…